Where’s a perfect place to build your EQ skills and meet new people? The answer may surprise you 😲
Would you approach a stranger in a bar? 🍹
How about talking to a random person on a train? 🚉
If just the thought of doing either of these makes you anxious 🫣 then you may be surprised at what I write next:
Elevators are the perfect place to meet new people
Yep, I said it!
How do I know?
Well, it’s because I do it all the time
Hang on a minute; you do what??
Yep, I talk to strangers in elevators and it’s all thanks to one of my first jobs.
In 2008, I joined EY in their London Office, a giant 10 storey building that housed almost 10000 employees.
I was blown away by the sheer scale of it, as well as amazement at all the incredible people, with such varied skills, crammed into such a small place — I wanted to meet as many as possible.
So when they informed us in our induction that there was a 100% hot desking policy throughout the whole building, my brain went into overdrive 🤔.
“You mean we are allowed to sit anywhere, next to anyone”, I asked the person running our induction for clarity.
When they answered in the affirmative, I decided that I wanted to mix it up as much as possible and my only thoughts were:
- How do I decide where to sit each day?
- How do I engineer it so that it doesn’t seem awkward?
The answer was right there in the lobby: the elevator.
Over my first couple of weeks, I refined a technique where I would talk to everyone when I got into an elevator.
It didn’t matter if there was one other person or it was packed with 20; I would find a way to start talking.
Obviously some people were chattier than others and whoever seemed the most interesting/friendly I would then get out on the same floor as them, acknowledge the coincidence (spoiler alert: it wasn’t a coincidence 😉) and then find somewhere nearby to sit.
That person gave me an anchor throughout the day. Someone I could grab a coffee with and/or get them to introduce me to others where they sat.
What started initially as a one-off soon became a regular habit and in my 4 years there I must have met several thousand people through that technique.
In fact many of the people I met thanks to the EY elevator are now clients, and some even friends 🙌.
Do you still do the elevator technique nowadays?
I don’t do it so much anymore but, funnily enough, just this last week I was back in EY (but a different office) running a workshop for 50 students all about networking and business development skills.
As I walked into the building, I waited for the elevator to take me up and I began reminiscing about the technique.
Just at that moment, the door to the elevator opened and before I could say something, someone shouted:
“Oh my god! Faris, it’s you!”
Unbelievably it was someone I had been to university with but hadn’t seen in 20 years so we spent the whole elevator ride catching up 😳.
I was so flabbergasted that I started my workshop by sharing the story of the elevator technique and it was a beautiful segway into the art of networking.
So, how can YOU meet new people in a lift?
The first thing you need to do is work on your confidence to do this 💪.
Part of it is convincing yourself that it’s not that scary 😱 but also you could enlist the help of a friend to get the ball rolling.
Next you have to work out what to talk about 🗣️; my advice would be to ask an open question about one of the following:
- Small talk —e.g “Isn’t it cold today?”, “Did anyone see last night’s game?”. In my experience pretty much everyone is happy to talk about the weather, the tube system, the big match, or whatever
- Something you all have in common — e.g. “Isn’t this elevator slow?”, “Has anyone tried the new sandwiches in the canteen?”. A shared experience is a fantastic icebreaker
- Asking for help — e.g. “Could I ask your opinion on something?”, “Could you settle a debate for us [particularly if you are there with a friend]?”. People just love to help
- Breaking the fourth wall — make an observational comment or share a feeling/thought, e.g. “Isn’t it weird how nobody talks in elevators”, “Is anyone else feeling tired today?”. A bit of vulnerability or observational humour can make the difference
The easiest way is to start talking as soon as you enter the elevator.
In fact in many cultures it is the custom to say good morning to everyone as you get in; this leads to a perfect opportunity to follow it up with your question or to spark a wider conversation.
Now it may be the case that your question is greeted with stone cold silence (which is often the case in a British elevator 🤣).
My advice is to not give up; you can either repeat the question or acknowledge the awkwardness. Both of which often seem to draw people in.
But really, in my experience, I find that 80% of the time you will trigger a conversation and bingo!
Do I really recommend doing this?
I don’t know about you but, whilst it’s easy to catch up with old friends, it definitely feels like it gets harder to meet new people IRL….and don’t even get me started on dating.
Something like the elevator technique can be great for overcoming this.
More than that, it can help build your confidence and other EQ skills (such as listening, resilience, leadership, etc).
Looking back, I’m so glad it’s something I embraced early on in my career as it really has opened so many doors for me.
As such, I wholeheartedly advocate it to anyone to give it a go.
It really is just a question of practice; the more you do it, the less worried you’ll be and you’ll be amazed at the impact it has 🙌.
So, what are you waiting for? Go press the elevator button 🔳
Faris
Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here
Success = IQ x EQ x FQ
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