How a recent trip to the dentist highlighted my approach to change
8 years ago I ran my one and only ultramarathon; it was something that consumed my life with training 6 days a week (often twice a day), controlled meals at set times, no alcohol, early to bed every night and a whole host of other things that make me now think “Wow, did I really do all that!”.
One of the added bonuses of completing the event (aside from the warmth of having overcome something incredibly challenging) was that I found myself in the fittest state I had probably ever been and to celebrate I bought a whole new wardrobe.
The clothes were a size down from what I had previously worn and the thinking was that they would be a good way to keep my weight in check (i.e. as soon as the clothes began to feel too tight then I knew my fitness was slipping).
Over the years, that little psychological hack has mostly worked as the suits, shirts, trousers I bought back then have provided a daily reminder to stay in shape [don’t worry I have bought other clothes in the interim too].
However Covid blew that all away because for the last 2 years I haven’t really worn many of those business clothes; instead rotating a mix of more casual wear whilst sat working from home building a successful business from scratch.
Fast forward to post Covid: to my joy I start returning to face-to-face meetings with clients and delivering facilitation and training sessions in person but all is not quite what it was - the old clothes no longer seem to fit!
The first time it happened, 6 months ago, I brushed it off as an anomaly. Maybe the shirt had shrunk in the wash or had been warped somehow.
The second time, 3 months ago, it was a suit jacket that I couldn’t do up - “that’s ok,” I thought, “I’ll just wear it open.”
Even the third incident (a few weeks ago), when a button went flying off a pair of trousers when I zipped it up, wasn’t enough to really make me sit up and notice… whether I liked it or not I had got bigger in the last 2 years.
A combination of a more sedentary lifestyle, grazing more during the day and a switch to a less healthy diet had definitely caught up with me.
That said, it’s amazing what the human brain will do as I found myself ignoring the signals I was receiving. In fact, it got much worse as the solution I went for was to buy bigger clothes rather than address the underlying problem of having become more unhealthy.
Hang on a minute, is this turning into some sort of fitness blog?
Nope, don’t worry about that but do stick with me; this is still all about EQ and starting a business.
So, if the clothes no longer fitting me were not enough to change my behaviour, was I just planning on getting even more unhealthy?
Well, I hope not and the reason why I have hope is that I finally have come to my senses. What addressed the situation was nothing to do with my clothes but instead it was 2 recent trips to the dentist in 2 consecutive weeks.
2 weeks ago, on my first dental check up in 2.5 years (the exact time that I had been running my business and gone through Covid), my dentist broke the news to me that I needed 4 fillings (not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4!). [Admittedly a couple were replacements for old fillings but 2 were completely new ones.]
For my dentist this meant a tidy pay day but as she has been my dentist for over 30 years so she was also horrified.
Once she had put in the new fillings, she wouldn’t let me go until she had had a word:
“What’s going on Faris?”, she asked. “You’ve had excellent teeth for the last 25 years, what’s changed?”
It was then that I realised that the last 2 years had seen me drastically increase my sugar intake as I sat at home building my business (the extra biscuit here as I was on a zoom call, the pack of crisps there as I worked into the night, a can of coke as a pick me up, a chocolate bar as comfort to a tough day) and to add insult to injury my brushing in the mornings had become sporadic as I no longer had a fixed routine before heading into an office.
“Well, those are all good reasons, but you ultimately only have one set of teeth, so if I was you, I’d do something to fix the rot (so to speak) and I’d do it soon” my dentist said.
And those was the magic words!
I’ve always known that when it comes to changing my behaviour, I best (and sometimes only) respond when I have had a bad experience.
Yes, I know all the theory about why I should change and the benefits it may bring, but honestly just being told to do something isn’t enough for my brain to give a sh1t.
As shown by my clothes trick, my brain is also very good at ignoring subtle, more gentle clues that it should change.
At times like this, about the only thing my brain will respond to is full blown negative outcomes and a sledgehammer “D’oh” moment.
Yep, sometimes, it takes massive failure (and only massive failure) to get me to make positive changes.
So, straight after that chat with my dentist I took it upon myself to make 3 changes:
- I started exercising again and being more active - it’s been 10 days and so far I’ve incorporated some exercise/activity every day
- I’ve managed to cut out 90% of the excess sugar I was eating — again it’s early days but I definitely am seeing progress
- I’ve changed my brushing routine
What’s this got to do with EQ?
I know I’m not the only one to operate this way; ignoring the proactive benefits of change and the subtle clues that I need to change.
In fact, we all know that change is one of the hardest things to do be it in our personal or business lives and it can take a game changer moment for us all to act.
That is why when I work with clients (be it facilitating, training, coaching, advising, or whatever), if change is required from them then I try to get them to experience failure early on in a safe controlled manner so that they are compelled to change more quickly.
It could be on a training course where I throw in an incredibly difficult first exercise or during a meeting when I call out early the bad behaviours and biases that a team is exhibiting.
I have found that this shock to the system actually engages the brain and willingness to improve much more than any other technique; it is why I can achieve some amazing things with clients. Trust me: It’s so effective!
Does this resonate with you? Have you thought about incorporating this into how you work? If you hate change and want some tips, then drop me a line as I have loads of ideas that might help.
Which leads me back to the ultimate question that I so often ponder: “How can I change the way I change?”
Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness.
Success = IQ x EQ x FQ
